Updated: Dec 14, 2021
Where do I even start? I have asked myself the question recently, "Why did I accept the call to Pastor?" In a season full of unexpected life-changing events, from covid to racial tensions and political agenda, this question often crosses my mind. On top of all that, the church had a significant amount of damages from a flood that we are still working through as a congregation which has shaken my confidence even more and has made me more vulnerable.
When my husband offered me the position as Senior Pastor of True Worship church, as he moved into an elevated office of District Supervisor of our organization, I worked a full-time job as a teacher and took online classes to finish my degree. I am also a mother of six, of which four are still home. Like any average person, you begin to look at all that is on your plate and how you're going to pull all of this off. I spent a few days praying and seeking the Lord if this was what I was supposed to do. I have to say, that in my spirit, I immediately felt the Lord's response, which I did not share with my husband right away. The Lord had brought to my memory, a couple of questions that I was asked a year prior, from a couple who were pastors. In prayer, the Lord showed me all the signs that led me to this crossroad where I would make a decision that would take me on a path that I never anticipated. My life was full so I never saw myself as a senior pastor of a church, but I never saw myself having six children either. I am a middle-aged Caucasian Woman Pastoring a predominantly Black church. On top of that, in many arenas Women Pastors are not even accepted. I had so many thoughts running through my mind on why this would not work. Can I do this? Do I have what it takes? Lord, are you sure it's me? I believe I heard the Lord say to me, "it's you that I want." That word has given me the strength, and I needed to move forward in faith on this new assignment.
I gave my life to the Lord and was filled with the Holy Spirit at the age of 24 years old, with absolutely no church background and little knowledge of who God was. I had no idea where my relationship with Christ would go. All I knew at that time was that I fell in love with Jesus and wanted everyone else to fall in love with him too. I joined a small bible teaching church, and from there it's been just me saying "Yes" to what I believe God has asked me to do: Yes to things that I did not feel capable of doing, yes to something that I was afraid to do, yes to things that were hard, yes to things I did not understand, and yes to things at times I did not want to do. Now don't get me wrong, in the beginning, it was a lot of "NO's." Over time, as I continued to grow in my relationship with God, I began to surrender more of myself. And just like when Jonah ran from what the Lord was telling him to do, after being in the fish, the Lord's word to Jonah did not change. I now understand that all these things have been preparing me for this time.
So, why did I accept the call to Pastor? To be honest, this was not an easy decision, one of the most complex decisions I had to make. There have been many tears since I have accepted this mantle. I immediately felt the weight of it all, and I was not used to carrying all that. My husband has carried this ministry for over 11 years. I have pastored with him, but I was not the Senior Pastor. There is certainly a vast difference. Nonetheless, this is something that I believe that the Lord has instructed me to do. God is showing me how to carry the weight with Him. There has been a flashlight shined in all areas of my heart during this transition. This has been hard but also so good at the same time. I think about my younger self, lost, angry, full of unforgiveness, disappointment, rejection, and so much more, and God rescued me from me and if God can do all that for me, the least I can do is say YES! I have committed myself to the journey to share the love of God with the lost. I do not have all the answers to all the questions but I will continue to do my best to be obedient and walk in faith through the process.